In a hopelessly impoverished but singularly exotic land of snake charmers and bare-naked hermits, holy cows and bottom-grabbing goats, multi-armed goddesses and overdressed maharajas, salvation comes in the form of an all-American, Ugg boots-wearing, pumpkin spice latte-drinking and Chipotle-loving white girl.
Thus, begins the trailer for a potential Razzie-winning film called Basmati Blues, featuring Oscar-winning actress Brie Larson and two-time Golden Globe-winning actor Donald Sutherland.
“India: 500 million farmers; 1.1 billion rice eaters; all of them potential customers,” says a typically opportunistic all-American boss played by Sutherland. He sends his best scientist, white-girl Linda (Larson), to sell the company’s genetically modified rice to rural farmers. Apparently, she is someone the farmers will trust.
Initially, she looks about as gullible and clueless as George W Bush at Yale (and Harvard), believing Indians greet each other by slapping people’s heads. But she realises her folly thanks to a young farmer and prospective lover, whose attempt to mimic the Indian accent is terribly sluggish. Romance and music ensues in typical Bollywood fashion.
Soon, white-girl Linda — in a sudden, acute burst of intelligence — realises the rice her boss is selling to the hapless Indian farmers is sterile. Ooh, conspiracy!
So, white-girl Linda, with a white-saviour complex, gets on her literal high horse in a desperate attempt to stop a literal train of progress and end the woes of the miserable Indian farmers.
We know you have a lot of questions. They will all be answered on 24 November when the film finally releases.
Larson signed up for the film in 2013 but, for some inexplicable reason, the producers have struggled in their efforts get a wide release. The film is written and directed by Dan Baron.